


Hurt

by maddiemotionless15



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 17:54:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7371799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddiemotionless15/pseuds/maddiemotionless15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I hurt myself today</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Riyusama](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riyusama/gifts).



In the end it didn't matter. Nothing ever matters. Now that he's gone. I spend every waking moment thinking about him and how I hurt him. I know I can't go back. I know that he won't take me back. I still love you Kai. It has been an month since he left and my addiction has just gotten worse. Kai why didn't you stay? You were my everything.

I can no longer feel. My mind has gone and I am constantly numb. My life has no meaning. I walked over to the bathroom, where I kept my " medication" and injected myself. I focus on the pain and only on that. Pain is the only emotion I feel now and it's for the best. The point of the needle burns an hole into my skin but i'm used to it now. The needle may hurt but the pain is less than it was when Kai left. He told me that it was for my own benefit but I know the real reason- you didn't want an drug addict as an boyfriend. I told him that I would get help but he wouldn't take that. One day he just left. The only thing he left behind was this note:

Sometimes I wish I never became so close to you, that way it wouldn't be as hard saying goodbye.

I guess the note means that he still feels something for me but is that just wishful thinking? I think that the only way is to kill it all away. No one cares anyway.

They all go away at some point. I have no one. Everyone dies alone.

Kai wasn't the only one but he stayed the longest and he... cared. I warned them from the start, I won't try to stop you from loving me but in the end I am sure to disappoint.

I wear this crown of shit, upon my liar's chair. Kai treated me like an prince, he tended to my every need but what did I do? I hurt him badly, I lied about my addiction but then again he failed to notice my cry for help. I am so conflicted. I can't rid my head of these demons. They play in my nightmares and never seem to leave me. Eventually time will heal these wounds and I will be set free. I have been addicted for so long it feels as if the drugs are now a part of me. Everyone around me has moved on but I am still stuck in this one place- they have given up on me.

I wish I could go back before I met those who got me hooked, back to the start of my relationship with Kai. I could fix everything. I wish I could fix everything. I don't wish to change myself but to remain myself and make better choices. To find an way to make it work. To make us work.

"Kai I love you, please come back to me." With those words I fell to the ground, my body shaking by the effects of the poison I inject into myself. My eyes fluttered close as the sound of heavy footsteps make their way to my ears. I felt myself be picked up into someones arms. My eyes opened and I saw my love- Kai. I did the only thing I thought in those last few seconds:

" I hurt myself today, to see if I could feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real. The needle tears an hole, the old familiar sting. Try to kill it all away but I remember everything."

I hear the soft sounds of Kai's sobs before I find myself in an eternal sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song Hurt by Nine inch nails


End file.
